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Tuesday, June 2 9:16 AM
Letter to Guido

Mullet Man

Tuesday, June 2 9:16 AM

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Letter to Guido

Tuesday, June 2 9:16 AM

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Letter to Guido

Alone....and Happy as a Pig In Poop (Poop?)

Thursday, May 28 5:02 PM
Letter to Guido

Comfy-Cozy:

All I can come up with is "WOW"! I have met lazy people in my life, but you have a place right near the top of my list.

Let's see....your folks are probably in their 60s......and you say in good health. Hmmmmm...so they could live another 25 - 35 years. You'll be somewhere in your late 50s or 60s when they are gone. Certainly not too late to find yourself a mate for life, right?? Nursing homes are prime places for hot chicks!!

If you don't find yourself lonely and don't mind getting your emotional highs and lows from internet porn (which your Mommy is probably paying for....oh, how creepy!), then you've got the deal of a lifetime. Your situation would not work for most of the population, but you sound pretty content, for a weirdo.

Keep traveling....alone......and driving your nice car......to no one's house. What amazes me is that you say you meet girls that seem to like you.....but you don't seem to mind that they dump you for the obvious reason.

You need some help buddy....and it's beyond me.....see if Dear Abby can make a suggestion other than "get out of the freaking house.....NOW....and get a life!!

Love and kisses,

Guido

Tipping Debate Goes On

Wednesday, May 27 7:58 AM
Letter to Guido

Hey Married To Cheapo:

There are rules of thumb, but the debate goes on constantly regarding the proper amount to tip. I will try to be neutral on the topic and give you a balanced answer.

The WRONG position to take is the one the says Servers should just get a better job that pays more than 1/2 the State minimum wage. However, where would we be without them? I can tell you for a fact, if restaurant owners were required to pay Servers regular minimum wage, they would have to pass the additional expense along through price increases.

So.....let's get to the point. Your wife tipping 5% is deplorable behavior and should be an embarrassment to you when you go out and she pays. She's is clearly a cheapskate and should be ashamed of herself. Little old ladies on fixed incomes (generally) leave bigger tips than that. She should just stay at home and eat mac and cheese.

An absolute minimum tip these days is 15% and most people leave 20%.

You (and your wife) should also note the following: IF YOU EAT IN A RESTAURANT THAT IS GIVING YOU "FREE" FOOD VIA A COUPON, OR LIKE PAPPY'S POPULAR "TWO-FOR-ONE TENDERLOIN TUESDAY", YOU SHOULD BE TIPPING WHAT THE FULL COST OF THE MEAL WOULD HAVE BEEN WITHOUT THE DISCOUNTED FOOD. I see people leaving tips on the net amount of the check, and that is WRONG, WRONG, WRONG!

With today's economy, eating out is many people's entertainment. Things are tough all over, but the bottom line is this: IF YOU CAN'T AFFORD TO TIP PROPERLY, GO TO A FAST FOOD RESTAURANT AND DON'T PISS OFF THE HARD WORKING SERVERS OF THE WORLD.

Love ya...

Guido

A Server Makes Some Points

Wednesday, May 20 5:34 PM
Letter to Guido

Jennifer:

I've gotten dozens of letters from all types of people in the service business, but none more than restaurant and bar staff.

I am not sure what gets into people when they go out in public. Discourteous slobs that have no manners are not likely to change, although it is NOT a long stretch to say please and thank you. I get letters from cashiers who complain about handing change to someone and the customers don't even give them a nod, let alone a thank you. That's just rude.

As far as your "highlights" are concerned, I have seen these things over and over since I sit in my favorite restaurant a lot. I've seen people spill drinks and not tell anyone; steal a freaking salt shaker and a 59 cent ashtray; eat an entire staeak and then complain that it was "very chewy" and want a discount. I once saw a guy walk up to the owner, explain that his wife could not finish the meal she ordered, and ask if he could pay just for the portion she ate! (He was told "No"!) I think I have seen it all.....maybe I should write myself a letter!

You could be rude right back to the person, but that will likely get you fired. Certainly, losing a good job is not worth the satisfaction just to zing a few a-holes in the world.

Don't let them get to you. Keep your chin up and do the great job I am sure you are doing. The uncouth, bad-mannered lowlifes will get theirs in the end.

Guido

Wednesday, May 20 4:38 PM
Letter to Guido

Keep The Dream Going?

Saturday, May 16 9:43 AM
Letter to Guido

My Dear Boomer:

If your rock band days are over, so should your long hair. Seriously, long hair and bald on top? What are you thinking....if anything??

Let's see, you get crude comments about your hair.......maybe because you look stupid and deserve them. Women don't seem to like it.....hmmmmmm.....perhaps because it looks ridiculous. And seriously, if women don't like it, is that NOT reason enough for you to change?

How could you look in the mirror and NOT see what everyone else in the world sees??

Go to a local shop and get a freaking haircut and act your age! If the baldness bothers you, shave it all and go with a naked dome. The other option is hair plugs, which could look silly (just ask Joe Biden) but seems to work for some guys.

By the way......Think.....Telly Savalis, Vin Diesel, Yul Brynner, Bruce Willis, Daughtry, Kevin Eubanks, Paul Shaffer, Ving Rames, Michael Clark Duncan, G. Gordon Liddy, Michael Jordan, Samual L. Jackson, Jesse Ventura....just to name a few bald guys!

Guido

Here's My Two Cents

Saturday, May 16 9:13 AM
Letter to Guido

Dear Petty:

In this day and age, there is virtually nothing you can buy with 2 pennies. Even when someone says their going to give you "their two cents", the resulting comment is usually worth nothing.

In your situation, you should have spoken up and asked for the 2 pennies. The cashier should have given them to you regardless of what you do with them. He was rude to ignore you, but he was probably thinking like me.

Personally, I would be far too embarrassed to stand there and wait for two cents.....and you should be too. At a minimum, you could have said to give them to the server.

Next time, act like a big shot! Tell the cashier to "keep the change" and learn to live without a couple of pennies that will have no bearing whatsoever on your life. Basically, grow up.

Guido

Loves Guido

Friday, May 15 11:49 AM
Letter to Guido

Bob, Just Bob:

Bob.....you are scaring me......step away from the computer!!

You ask more questions than the DA did last time I got brought in for questioning. I mean....not that I WAS brought in....but if I was.....I didn't DO anything.......

I appreciate your enthusiasm, and especially your offer to stay at your "place" to hide out. I am sure the airplane bed in the Guest Room would be really "neat-o" to sleep in.

So, let's just say I am here for you and if you have any questions about stuff......other than me..... I would be happy to answer them.

So, Bob, Just Bob, you have a nice day.....and don't forget to stay in the yard when you're outside playing.

Guido

Friday, May 15 11:31 AM
Letter to Guido